I have not been good about posting lately and find that I use the blogging world as my way to vent. This morning at 9am I went in for my Beta. At 1:30 I got a call and my Beta was negative. This is the course of action for this month.
Day 1 of my period: call to schedule ultrasound to make sure that I don't have cysts.
Day 7 : Get an FSH shot to trigger follicles to grow.
Day 12: get another ultrasound to measure uterine lining and see how many follicles. (if I have poor lining I take Estradiol suppositories to thicken the lining)
Day 14: Get a HCG trigger shot to stimulate ovulation -- Baby dance to follow.
Day 15: progesterone suppositories until I get the Beta results. If they are positive I continue on them until I am told to STOP.
Seriously. I am thinking that this may be the last cycle until I can catch up financially. Each ultrasound is $129 per month and not covered by insurance. That means I have to front the money. Not only that, but Eric is not liking me on the hormones. He says it makes me more moody. NO KIDDING! He is not the guy that likes interference. He is probably going to make this be the last round for a while. I am kind of on the same page. Not just because of the money, but if God meant for me to have another baby, I imagine I would by now. Not feeling real optomistic right now. I wish that when I talked to Eric he wasn't so negative sounding about another round of treatment. That makes me more frustrated and not sure of what we are doing. I thought we were on the same page of trying until I am 31. . . .who knows.
I need a Miracle right now.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
The tantrums. . .Oh man!
Ok. Tell me that my once sweet, angelic, child will come back soon! Taylor has been having the worst meltdowns and always in front of company. The girl has no shame. She does not care where she decides to melt into the floor and cry. The more we say "stop and quit" the more she screams. I truly believe she likes to hear herself scream. She will even look at herself in the mirror while she screams. LOL!
Not only that. .. she is emotional! I am talking BIG time. Now, I have always considered myself emotional and dramatic, but HOLY COW! This girl takes the cake. She cries when I let Eric take her to preschool, she cries when I ask her to go to the toilet before bed, she cries when Eric looks at her, she cries when she doesn't get her way and I am sure we will discover a new thing that makes her cry today.
Last night we had friends from California over for dinner. They have two, perfect little girls. All was great until they had to leave. Guess what?! Taylor cried and threw a fit. I told her to go upstairs and get her jammies on while we walked the company out because she was being so embarrassing. The company couldn't even get her to STOP. So, after walking the company out, we came upstairs and Taylor cried and wailed even louder because she didn't get to walk the company outside. (REALLY?!) Ok. Then. . . .oh. . it gets better. . .she hit Eric! I couldn't believe it. She can't even control herself. So, we just put the covers over her.. . didn't brush her teeth. .left the room and let her cry. . scream. . .and throw a fit. We had hoped that by not feeding into her that she would stop. NOPE! After 35 minutes of this and Eric about going CRAZY, saying that we have a spoiled brat, he went back into the room (after a daddy break) and calmed her down enough so that we could do our bedtime routine.
I am not sure what is going on? I try to NOT spoil her, but apparently I am . Eric is often working late and the discipline is left up to me. I guess I am not doing as great a job as I thought. I know that I am more of a "sucker" than Eric. But, I carried this child for 9, almost 10 months. I am at a loss. I want to scream!
Not only that. .. she is emotional! I am talking BIG time. Now, I have always considered myself emotional and dramatic, but HOLY COW! This girl takes the cake. She cries when I let Eric take her to preschool, she cries when I ask her to go to the toilet before bed, she cries when Eric looks at her, she cries when she doesn't get her way and I am sure we will discover a new thing that makes her cry today.
Last night we had friends from California over for dinner. They have two, perfect little girls. All was great until they had to leave. Guess what?! Taylor cried and threw a fit. I told her to go upstairs and get her jammies on while we walked the company out because she was being so embarrassing. The company couldn't even get her to STOP. So, after walking the company out, we came upstairs and Taylor cried and wailed even louder because she didn't get to walk the company outside. (REALLY?!) Ok. Then. . . .oh. . it gets better. . .she hit Eric! I couldn't believe it. She can't even control herself. So, we just put the covers over her.. . didn't brush her teeth. .left the room and let her cry. . scream. . .and throw a fit. We had hoped that by not feeding into her that she would stop. NOPE! After 35 minutes of this and Eric about going CRAZY, saying that we have a spoiled brat, he went back into the room (after a daddy break) and calmed her down enough so that we could do our bedtime routine.
I am not sure what is going on? I try to NOT spoil her, but apparently I am . Eric is often working late and the discipline is left up to me. I guess I am not doing as great a job as I thought. I know that I am more of a "sucker" than Eric. But, I carried this child for 9, almost 10 months. I am at a loss. I want to scream!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Not this month
So. I am not pregnant. I had my lovely visitor come on Saturday night. I had that gut feeling that things didn't work out. So, even though I knew that I was not pregnant, the doctor insisted on drawing my beta's to let me "know" that I was not pregnant. .. no kidding! I could have told you that! I also had to get an ultrasound to make sure that I do not have cysts from the Femara. All was clear. So, again. .. today I start the damn drugs.
Eric, made a good point and said that at least we are not dealing with the other aspect of things, which is having another miscarriage. I completely agree. . I guess it is the lesser of two evils. This month particularly disappointed me because I did everything right. I took the drugs, did the baby dance, peed on sticks, and got my ultrasounds. But, as the doctor says, "even if you did everything right, there is only a 20% chance of conceiving each month." That shocks the hell out of me. How in the world do so many people manage to get pregnant?
Eric, made a good point and said that at least we are not dealing with the other aspect of things, which is having another miscarriage. I completely agree. . I guess it is the lesser of two evils. This month particularly disappointed me because I did everything right. I took the drugs, did the baby dance, peed on sticks, and got my ultrasounds. But, as the doctor says, "even if you did everything right, there is only a 20% chance of conceiving each month." That shocks the hell out of me. How in the world do so many people manage to get pregnant?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
25 Random things about me
1. I HATE dirty microwaves.
2. I am not opposed to plastic surgery. I probably will one day get it.
3. I love to clean the house with 80's music blaring. . .Taylor sings along.
4. I love to get mail, the old fashioned way . ..especially if it is a magazine or letter or card from someone I know
5. I have 1 biological brother, 1 step sister and 1 step brother and I haven't talked to the step siblings in years. . and it's not because I don't like them.
6. I hate to bake, but love to cook.
7. I absolutely LOVE reality TV. . that is putting it mildly. I am actually obsessed.
8. I can't stand when the shower curtain is left open.
9. The toilet paper roll has to be over the top or I will change it.
10. I don't eat breakfast ever. If I go to a restaurant at breakfast time I will order a cheeseburger and fries.
11. I got a tap scholarship to college. That is what happens when you don't get academic ones. :)
12. I was just accepted to the graduate program at Boise State University.
13. Here is the irony to #12. I LOVE teaching school, but HATE attending.
14. I wish I could sing well.
15. I was fired from my first job in highschool for insubbordination. (talking back)
16. Sometimes when I am thinking about something very intently, Taylor will say what I was thinking about.
17.The first things I look at when I am in someone’s house for the first time are the pictures they have framed.
18. I can still sing the Fifty state song, that I learned from Lockwood Elementary, so I know all 50 states in alphabetical order.
19. I went to the same school from K-8th grade.
20. I still talk to Sonia Gomez, I went to kindergarten with her and we used to walk home from school together and sing, "Rise and Shine and Give God the Glory, Glory. .. children of the Lord!"
21. My step dad used to take me on "Princess Days" and I could get whatever I wanted.. . within reason.
21. I never really wanted to go to college.
22. I have always wanted to be an actress. I am very dramatic to this day!
23. I would love to adopt children, but Eric does not feel the same way.
24. I am closer with my step dad than my biological father.
25. I truly LOVE my life!
2. I am not opposed to plastic surgery. I probably will one day get it.
3. I love to clean the house with 80's music blaring. . .Taylor sings along.
4. I love to get mail, the old fashioned way . ..especially if it is a magazine or letter or card from someone I know
5. I have 1 biological brother, 1 step sister and 1 step brother and I haven't talked to the step siblings in years. . and it's not because I don't like them.
6. I hate to bake, but love to cook.
7. I absolutely LOVE reality TV. . that is putting it mildly. I am actually obsessed.
8. I can't stand when the shower curtain is left open.
9. The toilet paper roll has to be over the top or I will change it.
10. I don't eat breakfast ever. If I go to a restaurant at breakfast time I will order a cheeseburger and fries.
11. I got a tap scholarship to college. That is what happens when you don't get academic ones. :)
12. I was just accepted to the graduate program at Boise State University.
13. Here is the irony to #12. I LOVE teaching school, but HATE attending.
14. I wish I could sing well.
15. I was fired from my first job in highschool for insubbordination. (talking back)
16. Sometimes when I am thinking about something very intently, Taylor will say what I was thinking about.
17.The first things I look at when I am in someone’s house for the first time are the pictures they have framed.
18. I can still sing the Fifty state song, that I learned from Lockwood Elementary, so I know all 50 states in alphabetical order.
19. I went to the same school from K-8th grade.
20. I still talk to Sonia Gomez, I went to kindergarten with her and we used to walk home from school together and sing, "Rise and Shine and Give God the Glory, Glory. .. children of the Lord!"
21. My step dad used to take me on "Princess Days" and I could get whatever I wanted.. . within reason.
21. I never really wanted to go to college.
22. I have always wanted to be an actress. I am very dramatic to this day!
23. I would love to adopt children, but Eric does not feel the same way.
24. I am closer with my step dad than my biological father.
25. I truly LOVE my life!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Doctor's appointment today!
Well, at 8:15 this morning, I went to the doctor to get my follicles measured. I had 2 good sized ones. One measured at 24.58mm and the second was 19.88mm. That is good news. The doctors goal was that I would have 2 good sized follies. YIPPEE! The other thing that was measured was my uterine lining. That measured at 6.5 mm. They like it closer to 8, so I am now taking estrogen suppositories for the next 2 days, 3 times a days. Then, based off of my ovulation kit I may have to give myself an HCG trigger shot. Right now it is looking as though I will not be needing to give myself the shot. Thank goodness. Then, starting on Sunday I will be on progesterone suppositories each day until I either find out everything worked or didn't . In the case that it does work out, I will continue with the suppositories until I am 12 weeks. If I am not pregnant, I can discontinue the progesterone. WOW! Who would have ever thought this much planning could go into having a family?
Fingers crossed it all goes well.
Fingers crossed it all goes well.
Monday, March 1, 2010
We start trying again . . . .
I begin the process of trying for a baby again. Please say a couple of prayers for me.
Prayer #1
I start the Femara tomorrow and then on the 11th I go in for an ultrasound. Pray that they see some good size follicles and a thick enough lining to hold onto a baby.
Prayer #2
If I do get pregnant, (which doesn't seem to be the problem), pray that my body holds onto the baby for longer than my typical 5 weeks.
Prayer #1
I start the Femara tomorrow and then on the 11th I go in for an ultrasound. Pray that they see some good size follicles and a thick enough lining to hold onto a baby.
Prayer #2
If I do get pregnant, (which doesn't seem to be the problem), pray that my body holds onto the baby for longer than my typical 5 weeks.
The gymnast starts again!
Taylor has started gymnastics again. It is so amazing to see how much she has improved from the last time. I was so excited because I had found this great leotard (see above) and it fit her LONGGG torso. (size 5-6) Well, the poor child kept picking her wedgie. . .in the front. . .the entire class. I was mortified! I felt like screaming. . "YES. . I do bathe her!" Lucky for me the teacher has seen this more times that I can count. She simply said, "next time don't put underwear underneath." Isn't the underwear supposed to stop the front wedge?
Here are some more pics. .. they are blurry because Taylor is always in action.
Seriously! I think I want to join gymnastics!
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