Going private

I have decided to make my blog private. I have just read another post of someone getting identity theft from their blog.  How sad!  I am not really sure how that happens, but it is horrible.  I am giving it a week and then. .. we shall see.  Please make sure that I have your email address so that I can add it to my list of contacts who can access the blog.

Taylor's end of year music recital.

I love this little girl.  Taylor had her end of year music recital for preschool.  Oh how cute she is!  She sang her little hear out.

Plan B

So, after the last Beta blood draw I was feeling very down.  A very dear friend, Melissa Stafford, who many of you know, (either from highschool or the "blogging world") sent me a wonderful book called,Plan B, by Pete Wilson.   It is an amazing and inspirational book. It has given me a lot of useful information. Many of the things I read are things that I really know deep down, but sometimes you need someone to say it.One quote from the book that really got me thinking reads;

"I know that persevering isn't easy.  I know you want to run .  I know you want to give up. I know you want to try and control and maintain what you cannot control or maintain.  Resist the urge.  Try to lean on God instead of panicking. Try to trust him instead of running away.  Despite what your current circumstances are telling you. God is for you. He is there. He is working things our for your good."

Reading that was one of those "ahhh haa" moments.  I know what I need to do. So, I am going to try and not control what I cannot.  I am going to try and be okay.


Eric and I have talked about plan B. Even though we said we would be done after this failed cycle. . .we changed our minds.  It is all so confusing.  We are taking some time off to reflect on ourselves and what we do have.  I want to enjoy things to their full extent again. Namely, my child.  I feel like I haven't been as focused on her as I should be.  These next few months I will be getting healthy.  I am taking all natural supplements to help the female body and my hormones. (Vitax, Maca, and Dong Quai)  Then, depending on how we feel in August or September we may "officially try" or not "prevent."(fertility doctor or not)  For now, I am trying to let go and not control!



Thank you Melissa!  And Congratulations on a healthy baby boy!

Not Pregnant!

Well. . ..I'm not pregnant!  Crying, sad and upset right now!  I am done trying and over it!  My regular gyno wants me to go on birth control because when I do get pregnant my body does some weird things instead of naturally ridding my body of the miscarriage. . .it gets confused. 

I know I said I would be okay to only ever have Taylor, but I am hurting so bad right now. .. I don't know if I mean that.  I do LOVE Taylor.  More than words.  But, I had a plan for my life and one kiddo was not it! 

Tuesday

So, on Tuesday at 8:00am I go in for my final beta.  This test will determine if I ended up pregnant.  Things were looking promising. . .almost too promising.  I am not sure if I wrote this at all, but I had 3 potential eggs and my lining was thicker than ever!  If the results end up not in the direction I am hoping for . .. I am DONE!  No more trying.  I can't afford emotionally or financially to continue with this.  I am tired of counting the days of where I am and how much longer I have.  I am finally in a place where I am okay if the only child I ever have isTaylor. I appreciate the family that we have created and am thankful.  I have started going back to church. .. not because of the infertility thing, but because Taylor has started to ask questions about God.  I would hate to tell her the wrong thing and have her go around repeating that.   LOL!  (This is after a 2 year long break. .. since the divorce I have not been as diligent about going. . .nor have I had the desire)  Okay. .. maybe part of me knows I need to get my head on straight and get my priorities in order! :)

I will keep you posted.  I am not going to keep any result a secret.  I would rather use this blog as an outlet that keep in bottled inside.

My little fish.

Miss Taylor Jo has started swim lessons.  She has to wear a swim cap and goggles. It is too funny.

Little Miss. . .attempting to back float. 

Mothers Day

This year I was absolutely spoiled.  My mother's day started on Saturday.  I went to the car dealership to "just look" for a new car for the family.  One that Eric could actually fit in. (He is soooo tall.)  So, I had previously looked online and found the car/truck that I wanted.  I met with the gentleman at the dealership around 10am.  I test drove the car and LOVED it.  We sat and talk .. .one thing lead to another and he made me a deal I couldn't or shouldn't pass up.  One problem. . .the down payment.  I called and text Eric. He told me to "GO FOR IT!" and he would make the downpayment. . .Happy Mother's Day.  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?  I am so thrilled and the owner of a 2008 Honda Ridgeline.  It is beautiful! 

Not only did I get the new car.  .but, Eric is building me a new shower.  I think he got tired of me yelling that I was stuck in the shower each time I used it.  LOL!  The stupid thing wouldn't let me out. So, I wanted to show the pictures of the demolition in my bedroom.  It has caused me much anxiety.