5 dpiui

Today I am 5 days post IUI.  That means that I get a blood test completed next Wednesday.  I am feeling so erratic with my emotions lately. I know that it is partially due to the hormones I have been on and the ones I am still having to take.  What I am feeling also is severe pessimism towards this IUI working. I just have this feeling that it won't work...maybe this is my way of protecting myself and not getting my hopes up.  I feel like I am just not meant to have another child...and it won't happen for me. I have tried for so many months and spent so much money that I just don't see this cycle actually working. 

Sorry for my pitty party.  I am in a real funk today.

Second IUI scheduled

I went in today for my second ultrasound to determine how many follicles I had. To my surprise there were 5! Yes, 5!  2 of the 5 were smaller at 16mm, but nonetheless that is a lot! The nurse told me to trigger right then and come back in tomorrow at 10:30 with the sample and plan to have the procedure done at 11:30 because she didn't want to me to have the follicles get any larger or that I produce more. I am nervous and was not really prepared to be going in tomorrow. I thought I would be having the procedure on Thursday, so I mentally prepared myself for that day.

Oh...the nurse said that I only had a less than 5% chance of conceiving multiples.  That is promising.....I do NOT want to become the next Octomom! LOL!

Anyway, I just gave myself the trigger shot a couple of hours ago.  Let's keep our fingers crossed that this cycle of IUI works....I don't know if I could handle a different outcome!

Halloween for my Little Penguin...

Halloween was a bit different for us this year.  Typically, we have our very close friends and their two children along for the festivities.  Unfortunately, they have moved to Tennessee and we were without them.  Instead, my mom and step-dad came along for the fun.  Taylor had a great time!  We started very early ..like around 5:30 because it was so cold.  The best part of starting early was that people are less stingy with the candy and are more inclined to be generous with the first person. :)  We were home in about an hour or so and could not believe how much candy we hauled in!

 I must have tossed her last years bucket....Notice the hand made bag?

 Taylor said, " I can't believe daddy made me carve that kitty pumpkin by myself!"

 Our neighbor and Taylor.

My mom, GG and Taylor. 

 Taylor took my mom and said that she wanted to try and scare her at the "scary House!"

 Daddy and Taylor checking out the loot.

She is looking a bit tired at the end of the night.

Second round of IUI

Yesterday was terrible!  Not only was I dealing with the emotional mess of not being pregnant, I had to decide whether we would be trying another round of IUI.  I was unprepared with having to deal with that...

IUI is comparison to other fertility methods is cheap.  However, when you are between paychecks and don't own a credit card it makes coming up with money for fertility a bit difficult.  I was struggling yesterday with trying to figure out how to pay for a second round of IUI with only $600. I had enough to cover the first ultrasound and all of the medication...but, not enough for the second ultrasound and the actual procedure. Finally, I turned to my family. They offered to loan me the remaining balance until my paycheck in a couple of weeks. What a pill to swallow having to borrow money for a procedure that is, essentially, elective. Borrowing the money will make things tight for the next month, but I feel like I made a decision that is reflective of what Eric and I are wanting....and that is another child.

I just can't help but feel like my body is letting me down.  How on earth can you have a successful pregnancy, delivery, and healthy child?  Then, try again and have miscarriage after miscarriage.....

Some say I should just stop trying and it will happen. I want to PUNCH those people!  I can get pregnant. I have had 7 miscarriages. That is not the problem.  The problem is that my uterine lining will not support a pregnancy.....that is not something that not "trying" will fix.

Onward and Upward....we try once more.  If not I think I will try reading a book called, The Infertility Cure. I have heard wonderful things about it.  I guess it can't hurt.

Well, the first IUI attempt was unsuccessful! I am discouraged beyond belief. The anxiety that i feel right now is beyond words!

7 DPIUI

Well, I feel nothing!!! I know it is too early to feel anything. I am so anxious and nervous all at the same time. I can't wait until next Monday when I will know for sure if I am pregnant!  I think I will test on Saturday though....

I feel pregnant.......

Not quite yet, but I did have the IUI done today. I feel like if I keep positive thoughts it will be done!

Let's just hope that all 3 follicles decide not to take. I think I would have a heart attack! I will officially know on Halloween.....that is...unless I decide to take a test sooner.  I probably will not be able to hold out.

Send positive vibes my way!