....so, it may never go away????

I went to the Dr. again yesterday! The ultrasound tech. tried to put me in the room where everything happened. I clearly stated that I would not be stepping foot into that room. She gladly obliged and we moved. While examining me the tech took measurements of the embryonic sack that is still attached to my abdominal wall....there is no tissue inside though.  She told me that the sack had not shrunk in two weeks. I immediately began to freak out because I don't want to be cut open to remove it. She left the room and paged the Dr. When Dr. Blea came into the room he was smiling as usual. He said that the sack had not shrunk, but that he was not concerned because my last HCG, two weeks earlier, had dropped to 53,000. He further stated that as long as the HCG continues to drop he will not be concerned. I was informed that the sack may never fully go away. It has likely grown into my abdominal muscle. It will probably turn into scar tissue and then, may or may not dissolve....eventually. How weird that I still have part of the pregnancy that I wanted so badly inside of me....and it may never go away????!!!

I was given another blood test and was told that if the levels have dropped like they should I will be called and told that I can just go to the hospital for blood draws until the levels return to 0. In addition if they have dropped appropriately I can be intimate again and will be put on birth control. (Killl me now...I haven't been on BC for 5 years)  At least the BC will be temporary until I can meet with the fertility Dr.....around October and plan the next course of action - if we decide to take that route.

Just an update

Well...I have heard more about friends and celebrities being pregnant lately. They are all also due on or around when I should have been. I am not upset...more jealous!  Seeing other people pregnant does not sting like everyone thinks it does.  I am more jealous that I can't also shout from the mountain tops that, " I am pregnant too!" Just to clarify, if you are pregnant and my friend, I am so extremely happy for you and I hope that you are not scared to share your excitement with me.  I totally can separate my excitement for you with what I went through.

I finally had Aunt Flo visit. First time since February 9.  Man..it sure was nice having a break! I go to the Dr. again next Tuesday for an ultrasound and blood draw. I continue to hope that my levels drop all the way. I DO NOT want surgery!!!! I have been told that I will need to get on birth control and use condoms.  The dr. really wants to ensure that I don't get pregnant.  In addition, he said that I am probably not a candidate for IUD because I will probably have issues with it growing through my uterus.  What luck I have!

On more of a positive note, I wanted to share photos from Taylor's school play. It was The Little Red Hen. She was a duck!  It was so cute. Her school is a school of arts so they focus on arts throughout the world. Taylor was dancing and singing to songs throughout the world.  Pretty darn cute!

 Here Taylor is teaching Eric how to dance....Priceless.

Update since last Saturday.

Okay,  so it has been one week since my traumatic event last Friday.  I have been to the Dr for a follow up appointment last Tuesday. He said everything is progressing fine. My HCG had dropped to 13,000 and it appears as all tissue is dissolving. ( sad huh?)  This means that if things keep moving this direction the risk of surgery will pass. I won't pass the tissue it will have to dissolve fully or I run the risk of being cut open. 

The Dr. told me that he was upset I was not referred to him when it was first determined that the baby was attached to the C-section scar.  He said that was enough above the regular OBGYNs head that they should have at least called him.  I didn't even see a Dr....just a PA during the initial consults.  The Dr. also told me that this would have been a lot less traumatic had we been able to make decisions about everything when I was not 8 weeks along and had an embryo with a heartbeat.

When I went to the Dr he gave me Zoloft and Ambien. I was a wreck last week. Finally hitting a wall and crying uncontrollably.  I guess it is to be expected. I am not going to take the Zoloft because it takes 2 weeks to work and by the time it does I will no longer need it.  THe Ambien, however, is wonderful!  OH...the power of good sleep. I feel less emotional and more clear headed.  I am still sad, but everything is easier to deal with when you are rested.

Goodbye baby

Well, the last three days have been a whirlwind! I went on Thursday for another ultrasound and it was determined that the baby was outside the uterus , on my abdominal wall and implanted on my c-section scar. The doctors said they have never seen such an unusual pregnancy. There is a 1 in 5000 chance of the embryo implanting on a c section scar and a 1%chance of an abdominal pregnancy. Lucky me.... I had both! Well I was referred to the maternal fetal clinic where I was given another ultrasound to clarify what the regular obgyns thought they saw. It was confirmed. The dr. Was pretty upset that I was not sent to him when this first was found to be a c section scar implantation. Eric and I told him that we asked to be, but we're denied until the baby was 9 weeks. Anyway, our appointment was at 1pm and Eric and I sat in the ultrasound room from 2-4 waiting for the dr to determine what needed to be done. The dr told us that we needed to end the pregnancy, but they didn't know if it should be through surgery or injections! Talk about a shock! I was expecting to hear today that all things were moving in a positive direction. Just last week they thought the embryo was in the uterus. The dr. Told us that in order to end a life of an embryo with a heartbeat I would need to complete abortion paperwork and wait 24 hours for approval. I was mortified! I didn't want to do this.... But was being forced to make a decision that would spare my life. Tylor needs her mommy. The baby wouldn't survive and I could die! After much deliberation width other doctors in various states it was determined that this was an emergency and I would need to proceed with the injections ASAP! No signature required because the condition was life threatening. The dr. Inserted an 8 in gauge needle into my abdomen and injected potassium chloride into the baby to stop the heart and methotrexate into the embryonic sack to help dissolve the tissue. At this moment I am bawling and cannot control myself. I had to make a decision that no one should ever have to make. I was then taken to the hospital to be monitored. I began cramping and getting nauseous because methotrexate is chemotherapy. The next morning I was given another injection into my butt of methotrexate and was told I would spend another day in the hospital. Well, tonight I am still here..... Alone, sad, and feeling sick. The dr. Says I can still try for a baby in 6 months to a year if things clear up and I don't end up needing surgery tthat would likely remove my uterus. Wow....that is the shortest version I could come up with. Horrible!

7 weeks, 3 days......

So, I have continued with the once weekly ultrasounds.  The last one was on Wednesday and the baby's heartbeat was 130 beats per minute and measured at 6 weeks, 6 days. (right on track) I have passed the blood clot also with no other clots in sight.  YEAAHHH! The baby is still implanted on the c-section scar, but it appears as though the placenta is trying to grow on the opposite side of the scar. This is a great thing because the risk of the placenta growing outside of my uterus has diminished....as long as it continues to grow this way. I now run the risk of placenta previa. I will have to continue getting ultrasounds weekly to stay on top of anything that may arise.  If I get to 9 weeks then I will be referred to maternal fetal medicine for high risk pregnancy.  The drs tell me that at 9 weeks, there is a 95% chance that the pregnancy is viable.

I get another ultrasound on Thursday and will update again.

And so it continues.......

I went and had a beta completed the day after my "miscarriage" and my levels were at 8700. I had another blood draw completed on Monday and those results were 16700.  The dr.s office called me excited and said that my levels were doubling normally and that they wanted me to come in for an ultrasound to determine what was going on with my pregnancy. Apparently, I did not miscarry yet.

I just came back from the Drs office and the ultrasound showed a 5 week, 6 day embryo.  There was even a heart beat but I didn't want to listen to it because the sonogram tech said that the embryo was implanted very low in the uterus with an active bleed above.  She said that I would likely miscarry.

I then met with the Dr. who said that it appears my embryo implanted into my C-section scar. and is not really in the cervix or the uterus where it should be.  The embryo is misshapen and it may be because of the pressure of the blood clot around it or that it is dying. Either way we won't know anything until next week. I will have another ultrasound then to get a more clear idea.

The Dr. did say that she has seen one other pregnancy grow into scar tissue that resulted in a viable pregnancy. The woman did have to delivery at 30 weeks with a full hysterectomy.  She further stated that this would likely be the outcome for me if the pregnancy continued.  More good news!  Then, the dr. told me that if I miscarried she did not want me to try to get pregnant anymore because if I have had one pregnancy attach to my scar it is very likely it will happen again.  She says I either have accreta or percreta of the placenta. She said if I google it I will freak out!  More great news!

Anyway, I am kind of in shock right now and digesting everything. I will write more when I am not so numb.

miscarrying......

well, I told you I would share good or bad news.  Well....it is bad. It looks like I am miscarrying.  I went to the bathroom and am seeing red blood in the toilet.  It is devestating....especially when you want it so bad.  I guess the fertility dr.'s diagnosis of thin uterine lining was accurate. Even though I got healthy if I don't have adequate uterine lining to support a pregnancy it will not be viable.

I can't help but think...."I am okay...lots' of women bleed and have successful pregnancies." Then, I remind myself that I am not that case......when I bleed it is bad news!!!

I will continue to post when I know more. I plan to call the Dr. tomorrow. They can't do anything now for me.