Thursday, May 20, 2010

Plan B

So, after the last Beta blood draw I was feeling very down.  A very dear friend, Melissa Stafford, who many of you know, (either from highschool or the "blogging world") sent me a wonderful book called,Plan B, by Pete Wilson.   It is an amazing and inspirational book. It has given me a lot of useful information. Many of the things I read are things that I really know deep down, but sometimes you need someone to say it.One quote from the book that really got me thinking reads;

"I know that persevering isn't easy.  I know you want to run .  I know you want to give up. I know you want to try and control and maintain what you cannot control or maintain.  Resist the urge.  Try to lean on God instead of panicking. Try to trust him instead of running away.  Despite what your current circumstances are telling you. God is for you. He is there. He is working things our for your good."

Reading that was one of those "ahhh haa" moments.  I know what I need to do. So, I am going to try and not control what I cannot.  I am going to try and be okay.

Eric and I have talked about plan B. Even though we said we would be done after this failed cycle. . .we changed our minds.  It is all so confusing.  We are taking some time off to reflect on ourselves and what we do have.  I want to enjoy things to their full extent again. Namely, my child.  I feel like I haven't been as focused on her as I should be.  These next few months I will be getting healthy.  I am taking all natural supplements to help the female body and my hormones. (Vitax, Maca, and Dong Quai)  Then, depending on how we feel in August or September we may "officially try" or not "prevent."(fertility doctor or not)  For now, I am trying to let go and not control!

Thank you Melissa!  And Congratulations on a healthy baby boy!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Not Pregnant!

Well. . ..I'm not pregnant!  Crying, sad and upset right now!  I am done trying and over it!  My regular gyno wants me to go on birth control because when I do get pregnant my body does some weird things instead of naturally ridding my body of the miscarriage. . .it gets confused. 

I know I said I would be okay to only ever have Taylor, but I am hurting so bad right now. .. I don't know if I mean that.  I do LOVE Taylor.  More than words.  But, I had a plan for my life and one kiddo was not it!