Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Holistic Chiropractor

Okay, I just wanted to give an update on my experience, thus far, with the holistic chiropractor.  I feel AMAZE Balls! (Like Guilianna Rancic says)  I have been sleeping better and not waking up or struggling to fall asleep.  I have had regular BM's (which are not usual), and my period started 3 days early and was heavier than it has been in years. All of these things tell me that my body is reacting appropriately to the treatment. The period thing is the most amazing thing of all. I have been tracking my periods for years and cannot tell you the last time I started my period early without being on fertility drugs. In addition, I am MUCH heavier than I have been in a long time. This tells me that my lining was thicker than the previous months.   (YEAHHHH! This is what we wanted to happen without fertility drugs.)

   I am truly in shock! You don't really realize how poorly you were feeling until you actually feel good.  I so  badly wanted to believe that Holistic Chiropractic work could help me feel better or even "fix" me. I was, initially, a skeptic. Now, that I see and feel all of these amazing changes I am a believer in holistic approaches to fertility. I am NOT pregnant yet.... but, who knows!?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Taylor's dance recital

Here is a video clip from Taylor's dance recital. She was so proud of herself.


Thursday, December 8, 2011

Just a little bit of contemplating.

So, I have been eating healthy these past two weeks and working out more. I am also trying to cut back on wine and soda.  In addition I am meeting with a naturopathic chiropractor who is known is Boise as the Fertility Goddess. ( she isn't a crack your back dr...more gental pressure) I met with her for the initial consult and she told me that my lower back is very tight. Typically, that would mean nothing to me, but then she told me that the area should be palpable. This particular area is linked to a womans reproductive organs and fertility. I am going to meet with her again next Monday. She really wants me to see her 3 times the first week and twice each additional week. I just don't know if I have the time or money to do that frequently. I will see what I can come up with for time and finances.  She said that she will start off with fixing my body and then start to work with the digestion and diet. 

http://www.journalofsubluxationresearch.com/abstracts/bio_behrendt_madeline.htm

Monday, November 28, 2011

Start of something new.

Well, today marks the official start at my attempts to be healthy.  I am still waiting for the Infertility Cure, book that I ordered to come. I am very anxious to start reading it.  In the meantime, I went to Costco and bought all Natural or organic food and drinks to nosh on. (carrot juice, Kefir, Soy milk, almonds,and Organic meat) I am hoping that by minimizing the animal products that I eat, which contain hormones, it will help with my infertility....it can't hurt.  In addition, I am upping the amount and frequency of workouts.  (There is a DVD set that I would like to get- it is Yoga specifically designed for fertility) I have also scheduled acupuncture sessions. There is a ton of reading out there that discusses the benefits of such practices when trying to increase fertility.

So, wish me luck that I can survive this.  I have a terrible snacking addiction.  

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

HCG of 2....

Well, I had my Beta done today at 8:30am.  I hadn't heard back by 10:30 so I called the office for the results. The nurse said, "Sorry, but the results are negative, your beta is 2."  She then proceeded to explain ...which I have heard a million times....that anything below 5 is considered negative. I asked the nurse why my beta was 2 and not 0?  She told me that it was likely because the embryo tried to implant but was unsuccessful.  BUMMER!  How can 5 follicles and such a good semen sample NOT produce a baby? I guess this explains why about 8dpiui by entire breasts were tender and now just the nipple area is.  This would also explain why I got a faint line on a pregnancy test at 12dpiui and a negative on 13dpiui. 


I spoke with Eric and he made me feel so much better.  We tossed around various ideas of next steps.  We have decided that for the next 3 months we will eat healthy,(organic), get in good shape, and that I will consult with a naturopathic doctor who specializes in fertility. (more importantly woman with thin uterine lining and multiple miscarriages, such as myself)  At the end of that 3 month time we will reconvene and determine if we are up for going back to the fertility doctor or not.  Our issue is that we have had much more success getting pregnant on our own. We have had ZERO lucky conceiving with the help of a fertility doctor. With that being said maybe my body doesn't like all of the chemicals that I am putting in it.  I have had one successful and natural pregnancy.  There has to be a reason why things are not working. Maybe I am not processing something or lacking something.  It can't hurt to try something else.

Has anyone read, The Infertility Cure?

Monday, November 21, 2011

Taylor Jo turns 6!

This past weekend we celebrated Taylor's 6th birthday. This was the first year that she invited her own friends. In previous year Eric and I would invite our friends and their children. The theme was Hello Kitty and we had a clown entertain the kiddos.

 Meet Razzleberry the clown.
 A living room full of balloons.

 The Hello Kitty cake.
 The birthday girl.
 Here are the kiddos ...
 This is one of the gifts that Grandpa and Grandma got for Taylor.....she thinks it is amazing!

Another..not so clear test.

I just really should stop torturing myself and wait until my blood test on Wednesday. I think I am trying to prepare myself to have the visit from A.F. I guess my logic is that if I see a not so clear or even negative test that getting A.F. or a negative blood test won't hurt so bad. 

I took another test this morning...however, it was only16 hours from the first one.  This test looked the same as the first. Not a real definitive line..but, if I turn my head just so.  I think I will chalk this one up to a negative.

Then, I think about the fact that I could be seeing the evaporation line or the "normal" part of the pregnancy test that the manufacturers tell you that you may just see.  Seriously....pregnancy tests aren't so easy either.  Between the possibly pregnancy symptoms and the possible line on the pregnancy test I am making myself nuts!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Maybe it was positive.....if I turn my head just so.

Okay...I hope I am not jinxing myself. I took a pregnancy test today.

When you first look at the test it appears to be negative, but if you look again..and tilt your head you can see the slightest....ever so slightest line.I showed it to Eric who compared it against a new test.....he said he could see the line, but thinks that you can always see where the other line is supposed to be. That is likely the case.....except with me.  I know, I sound like the typical "wishing, and hoping I am pregnant woman. " Seriously, though I have taken enough pregnancy tests to know that I DO NOT get that line.  In fact, when I was pregnant with Taylor I had the same situation.  

I am going to test tomorrow with first morning urine.  Tomorrow I will be at 12dpiui.  I figure that should give me a more accurate reading. Hopefully I will see a more definite second line.

Oh, yeah...did I mention that I cannot stop poking and prodding myself.  I really need to get a life and stop obsessing!

Friday, November 18, 2011

...why can't I stop poking my boobs?

It’It's official, people. I’m going insane. I’ve literally spent the last 18 hours or so poking my boobs because they feel “sorta” sore. And I honestly think that from all the poking and prodding and pushing, I’ve made them actually pretty sore all by myself without the help of a hormone that tells me I’m pregnant.
Yes, it’s true. I’m in the last few days of my 2ww and I’m looking for every symptom out there. The thing is, these symptoms are a bunch of crap. Really. 
I really can’t count on any symptom ever. Because every time I think it may be an early pregnancy symptom, it’s more or less just Aunt Flo teasing me. I mean, really, couldn’t Mother Nature be a little bit more discerning when it comes to menstrual symptoms and pregnancy symptoms? Like, why do cramping and spotting and sore boobs ALL have mean you’re either getting you’re period or you’re pregnant? Why can’t it be just one or the other?
So here I am in that evil, 2WW. Seriously, can I catch a break here?
I’m trying desperately to remain positive I mean, how much better could you get? FIVE follies and 192 million sperm? If it doesn’t work this time, how in the world could it get any better?
I can't think about it any more....I am going back to poking myself.....hink about it. I’m going back to poking myself.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

8dpiui

Okay...I know that earlier I said that I was feeling negative...but, today....I feel different. Today is nine days since the HCG trigger shot, and 8 days post IUI. The trigger shot can cause symptoms similar to pregnancy, but is typically out of your system in a weeks time....however, it can stay in your system for longer.  With that said, I am just today, starting to feel sore bbs.  They are getting shooting pains in them. I didn't feel anything from the trigger shot this month. So, I feel that because I am having this sensation it is a good thing, especially because it just started.

I will be taking a test at 12dpiui.....I just can't wait. I hate to get too excited because I have been let down so many times.

Monday, November 14, 2011

5 dpiui

Today I am 5 days post IUI.  That means that I get a blood test completed next Wednesday.  I am feeling so erratic with my emotions lately. I know that it is partially due to the hormones I have been on and the ones I am still having to take.  What I am feeling also is severe pessimism towards this IUI working. I just have this feeling that it won't work...maybe this is my way of protecting myself and not getting my hopes up.  I feel like I am just not meant to have another child...and it won't happen for me. I have tried for so many months and spent so much money that I just don't see this cycle actually working. 

Sorry for my pitty party.  I am in a real funk today.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Second IUI scheduled

I went in today for my second ultrasound to determine how many follicles I had. To my surprise there were 5! Yes, 5!  2 of the 5 were smaller at 16mm, but nonetheless that is a lot! The nurse told me to trigger right then and come back in tomorrow at 10:30 with the sample and plan to have the procedure done at 11:30 because she didn't want to me to have the follicles get any larger or that I produce more. I am nervous and was not really prepared to be going in tomorrow. I thought I would be having the procedure on Thursday, so I mentally prepared myself for that day.

Oh...the nurse said that I only had a less than 5% chance of conceiving multiples.  That is promising.....I do NOT want to become the next Octomom! LOL!

Anyway, I just gave myself the trigger shot a couple of hours ago.  Let's keep our fingers crossed that this cycle of IUI works....I don't know if I could handle a different outcome!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Halloween for my Little Penguin...

Halloween was a bit different for us this year.  Typically, we have our very close friends and their two children along for the festivities.  Unfortunately, they have moved to Tennessee and we were without them.  Instead, my mom and step-dad came along for the fun.  Taylor had a great time!  We started very early ..like around 5:30 because it was so cold.  The best part of starting early was that people are less stingy with the candy and are more inclined to be generous with the first person. :)  We were home in about an hour or so and could not believe how much candy we hauled in!

 I must have tossed her last years bucket....Notice the hand made bag?
 Taylor said, " I can't believe daddy made me carve that kitty pumpkin by myself!"
 Our neighbor and Taylor.
My mom, GG and Taylor. 
 Taylor took my mom and said that she wanted to try and scare her at the "scary House!"
 Daddy and Taylor checking out the loot.
She is looking a bit tired at the end of the night.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Second round of IUI

Yesterday was terrible!  Not only was I dealing with the emotional mess of not being pregnant, I had to decide whether we would be trying another round of IUI.  I was unprepared with having to deal with that...

IUI is comparison to other fertility methods is cheap.  However, when you are between paychecks and don't own a credit card it makes coming up with money for fertility a bit difficult.  I was struggling yesterday with trying to figure out how to pay for a second round of IUI with only $600. I had enough to cover the first ultrasound and all of the medication...but, not enough for the second ultrasound and the actual procedure. Finally, I turned to my family. They offered to loan me the remaining balance until my paycheck in a couple of weeks. What a pill to swallow having to borrow money for a procedure that is, essentially, elective. Borrowing the money will make things tight for the next month, but I feel like I made a decision that is reflective of what Eric and I are wanting....and that is another child.

I just can't help but feel like my body is letting me down.  How on earth can you have a successful pregnancy, delivery, and healthy child?  Then, try again and have miscarriage after miscarriage.....

Some say I should just stop trying and it will happen. I want to PUNCH those people!  I can get pregnant. I have had 7 miscarriages. That is not the problem.  The problem is that my uterine lining will not support a pregnancy.....that is not something that not "trying" will fix.

Onward and Upward....we try once more.  If not I think I will try reading a book called, The Infertility Cure. I have heard wonderful things about it.  I guess it can't hurt.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Well, the first IUI attempt was unsuccessful! I am discouraged beyond belief. The anxiety that i feel right now is beyond words!

Monday, October 24, 2011

7 DPIUI

Well, I feel nothing!!! I know it is too early to feel anything. I am so anxious and nervous all at the same time. I can't wait until next Monday when I will know for sure if I am pregnant!  I think I will test on Saturday though....

Monday, October 17, 2011

I feel pregnant.......

Not quite yet, but I did have the IUI done today. I feel like if I keep positive thoughts it will be done!

Let's just hope that all 3 follicles decide not to take. I think I would have a heart attack! I will officially know on Halloween.....that is...unless I decide to take a test sooner.  I probably will not be able to hold out.

Send positive vibes my way!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Taylor and Mommy learned to ride a dirt bike!


Okay, so Taylor and I learned to ride dirt bikes on Tuesday. It was very fun and an adrenaline rush!  I didn't get any videos or pictures of myself, but I have plenty of cutey patooty!











Update!

I am so excited! First, I take my final comprehensive exam for my masters program next Friday and Saturday from 9:30-11:30, both days.   Once, they are finished I will have to just finish my last two classes before I graduate on December 14th!!!!!

Here is also some BIG news...... Keep me in  your thoughts!!! I went to the Dr. today to begin the first protocol for IUI. I go in next Friday at 11:45 for an ultrasound ( 15 minutes after my comp. exam) and if things look good that means that on the 16th or so, I will be getting the IUI completed. Let's hope that those 2 weeks after the procedure don't take FOREVER!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Such a long time ago.....



Well, I am not sure where to start as my last post was months ago! Let's see.....I am back to school teaching and attending. I will be graduating the December with my Masters of Education in Special Education with an endorsement for consulting teaching.  So...that is very excited! I can't wait to have free time! :)

Aside from that Taylor began Kindergarten.  She loves it!  She asked if she could ride the bus to school and so I let her...but, only because the bus stop is 3 houses down from mine. The terrible part about the busing system is that she rides the bus to her home school and then switches buses to go to her school. ( I put her in a charter school.)  So, the first day I met the bus at school....just to make sure that she made it! I stood there camera in hand taking pictures.  After, the second picture I noticed that she was crying as she was getting off of the bus.  When I asked her what was wrong she couldn't even explain to me because she was crying so hard. ( I think she was just shuffled along and the bus drivers forgot to explain what she should do.)

One more bit of news.....I begin the fertility process again. We will be trying IUI this time. I went in 2 Fridays ago to make our plan of action. While I was talking with the doctor I asked her to give me a pregnancy test because I was having such a weird period.  Well, as it turns out I was pregnant...but, miscarrying.  I am not sad about it because I think I am up to 7 total miscarriages now.  I hadn't had a miscarriage in so long this was a total shock!  Anyway, once everything is all healed up and I get my next cycle we can begin taking the drugs and shots and ultrasounds.....YEAH!  (not really)


Here are some pictures from this summer and from Taylor's first day of school.


 Can you say,"CHEESY"?!

 The day of whitewater rafting.....so fun!
 Here we are getting pulled behind my brothers boat.   This must have been moments before the huge SPLASH!
 Not sure if I posted our white water rafting pics.
 We made sandcastles on the beach in McCall, Idaho.  Beautiful!
We took Taylor to Lagoon. It is an amusement park in Ogden, UT. So much fun! We are nearly in the park camping.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Year end Dance recital

I have been meaning to post this update of Taylor's dance recital, but many things have been going on.  

Taylor was in two dances this time.  First she was a tapping penguin who danced to the Spanish Happy Feet song.  It was precious!  Her second dance was her least favorite because she said that it hurt her knees. LOL!  This dance was her ballet number.  She danced to some Lion King song.  Both made her daddy and I so proud.







Thursday, May 19, 2011

LOVE the weather!

No real reason for this post except to shout from the mountain tops that SPRING IS FINALLY HERE!!!!!


Finally.....it is about time. It is starting to get difficult to think of ways to entertain Taylor while we are inside.

Monday, May 16, 2011

More pictures......



So....I wasn't planning on getting my pictures taken......hence the VERY short dress.  I would have loved this picture more if the dress had been longer.
 Totally shows Taylor's personality.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Friday, May 6, 2011

Interviewing Taylor

Taylor is sick and so I am trying to think of somethings to keep her busy....other than TV.

.1.What is something your mom always says to you?
 Eat your food!

2. What makes your mom happy?

When I give you lovies.

3. What makes your mom sad?

(LOL)...when daddy yells at you....but not me....just daddy!

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

By tickling me.

5. How old is your mom?

31

6. How tall is your mom?
I don't know.

7. What is her favorite thing to do?

Play with my Squinkies...(for those of you that don't know what they are.....they are tiny, plastic figurines)

8. What does your mom do when you're not around?

You buy stuff, or work, or go to class.

9. What is your mom really good at? 

Doing homework.
10. What is your mom not so good at?

Making stuff.. because you don't know how to make stuff....you don't make stuff like this guy.  (she holds up a poseable, magnetic figurine)

11. What is your mom's job?

Work.  Work for kids.

12. What is your mom's favorite food?

I think tacos.

13. What do you and your mom do together?

We play or go to the park.

14. How do you know your mom loves you?

Because you say, "I love you more than the moon and the stars!" 

 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

How cute is she?



My friend has a new found love of photography. She used Taylor as a model and here is one of the photos!  I love that you can see her dimples!

Sick ..Sick....Sick

My poor Taylor Jo has been sick since Monday evening. She stayed the night at my brothers house on Sunday night because I had to proctor ISAT testing for my school on Monday. On Monday evening Eric picked her up from my brothers house and she had red, flushed cheeks and blotches on her biceps. She also had a fever.  We thought that she was sunburned and exhausted from playing so hard. But, when we woke up in the morning on Tuesday she had a fever of 102.7 and was complaining of a sore throat, headache and sore legs when she walked. Obviously, I didn't send her to preschool. I just taught from home while she stayed in my bed all day watching TV and sleeping.  Wednesday we woke up and she had a fever of 102.8 still. So I doped up her with Ibuprofen again and called the Dr. We were able to be seen at 10:15 so I took the day off of work and took her in.  The Dr. wasn't really sure of what she had because of the time frame of the fever and rash.  He ended up figuring out she had 2 things combined. First, she had Fifths disease which is what caused the rash.  (Apparently, the preschool had 9 kids in her class with it and they didn't bother to mention it to anyone!)  The Dr. told me that he believed Taylor also had Andeno Virus or Herpengina.  Both cause sores in the throat, high fever, aches, and a headache.  He wasn't totally sure because Taylor also had pink, irritated eyes.  Well, I was told that she would be sick with a fever for the next 3-4 days and I couldn't do anything about it, except give her Ibuprofen.

It makes me feel terrible for her that Mommy can't do anything to fix her pain!  I took a picture of her yesterday afternoon when her fever spiked to 103.8!  Obviously I freaked out!  Thank goodness the medicine worked to lower the temp.

Doesn't she look so sad?  Previous to this picture she woke up crying that she didn't get to play with her friends today! That about broke my heart.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter

This year we had the most AMAZING church service!  It was one of those services that leaves you thinking way after you have left.  Pastor Mark was talking about "seeing dead people" in our churches. He related it to the movie, Sixth Sense.  What he meant was that oftentimes the people who go to church every Sunday and try to live a life on the correct path while following all of the "rules" end up just going along with the motions. Those people don't really allow Jesus to be present in their lives. Pastor Mark talked about trying to allow God to enter your life truly...not by just going through the motions.  It really made me think that I am probably not doing the best that I could be doing in that department.  ....something to work on I guess.

......after church we spent the day at my brothers house. Here are the pictures.



Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Over the moon!

So, Eric and I have been trying for a LONNNGGG time to get pregnant and then decided that we didn't want to go further in the process. We were burnt out.  Actually, I would have gone all the way to IVF, but Eric had an issue with the specimen thing. I let him be...didn't push or prod when all I wanted to do was make him want as badly as I wanted to have a baby.

Last spring I told Eric I wanted to get rid of all of the baby items. He told me to wait until the next spring.  I did. I tried to get a dog in the summer.  Eric said," wait until next summer. " "If you aren't pregnant by then, you can buy one."  I waited.  Well....1 year later I just sold most of the baby items I had. I have looked at a dog that I wanted to buy and found the one....A Yorkie Poo.  I was reminding Eric of what he had said last year when he denied having ever said that. That didn't sway me.. I still had my plan to purchase the dog and just bring her home.

(this is rambling...but it will flow at the end)

Fast forward two days. We are laying in bed watching TV and talking when he comments on a baby on TV.  "Remember when Taylor was that small?"  Eric keeps making these comments that are not "typical" for him.  The next morning he says to Taylor, "Why doesn't mommy have a baby?"   That comment didn't hurt my feelings, it only showed me that Eric has been thinking of babies lately.

Two days after this Eric leaves for Minnesota. He calls me last night and said......WAIT...for IT.....
That he has been thinking a lot lately and thinks it is a good idea if one month prior to my masters program graduation we go back to the doctor and do whatever it takes to get pregnant!!!!!!!  I immediately started to cry. I never thought he would come around.   I guess he just realized that he wants a baby more than he dislikes the idea of "going" in a cup.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I got the job!

I was informed yesterday, at about 12:30 that I DID get the job!  I am now the special education lead teacher with Idaho Virtual Academy.  I am thrilled that my masters degree is paying off.  I am also excited to change the signature at the bottom of my emails to Brittany Holloway
                                                          Special Education Lead Teacher

.....and my voice mail to say that, "You have reached Brittany Holloway, special education lead teacher, please leave a message. 

It is just the small things.....oh ...and of course the pay raise!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

My big girl!

She sure loves to dress up......by the way... she now goes by the name "Twilight Sparkle."  ;)

Applying for a new job!

I oftentimes can't think of things to write, but TODAY I have something.  Many of you know that I am in my masters program for special education.  I am also getting an endorsement to be a consulting teacher for special education.  I will be finished with everything in the fall.....YIPPPEE!!

Anyway, my biggest desire right now is to use my degree and endorsement to become a consulting teacher within my school. Guess what?! A job was just recently posted, within my company, for a special education lead teacher consulting position.  I can hardly believe my luck. I didn't have to look for this position to open, it literally landed in my inbox.  I considered applying, but when my supervisor asked me to apply I knew I had to.  So, I updated my resume and wrote my application letter. I have the interview this Friday, over the phone, between 2 and 4.  So, hopefully I will have good news to report by Friday or at the very latest Monday!

Monday, March 21, 2011

WOW.. it has been a long time.

It has been so long since my last post.  I haven't had anything really burning to say or tell lately.  I feel like my life is just consistent.  School, work, being mommy...... Do it over.

I am not complaining. I love the monotonous of my life.  I am very......HAPPY!  That feels good to say.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Back to juggling....

My masters program has begun again.  Tonight is the first night that I have to go into the classroom.  What a weird feeling that will be.  Typically, my classes have been online.  This will be a new venture.  Hopefully, Eric can manage to cook Taylor dinner, bathe her, and complete the normal bedtime routine while getting her to bed by 8:00.  LOL!  We will see!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Xbox Rockband

This video is of Taylor, Eric and a friend of our doing Rock Band, part of my birthday present, but really for the whole family. Taylor does a pretty good job. I even had her "singing" last night and she does better than those of us that can read.

LMAO!!!  HAAAHHAAA!!

Question

Okay, so I have been taking Fertilaid for about a month now and my monthly visitor is officially 6 days late.  I have taken a test on day 2 of being late and it read negative.  I am not sure if I am late because of the fertiliad screwing with my body or because I may have ovulated later than I thought. But, how long do you wait without a period before consulting a doctor?  Do I quit the fertilaid. (Fertilaid is an all natural vitamin that has all you are supposed to need to be able to conceive>.....thought Id give it a shot.)

Christmas Vacation

Our Christmas vacation was wonderful; except that for the last week Taylor and Eric both had horribly high fevers that lasted for 3 days.  When the fever finally broke they were left with a runny nose and chest congestion.  WONDERFUL!  At least I didn't end up with it! 

Christmas Eve was spent at church with my mom, brother's family, and Eric's mom/stepdad and Grandma. We finished the night off with dinner and presents at my moms house.  It is so great that our moms are close enough to hang out without us. Christmas day was just another year of running to all of the houses that we didn't get to spend time with on Christmas.

Here  are some photos.
 Here are all of us ladies with bows in our hair.
 My mom's fabulous job setting the table.
 The Holloway clan.....Notice my brown hair?  Not sure how I feel about it yet.
 The chaos!
 Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.
 Santa brought Taylor the vanity that she wanted.....Yeah. Now I have someone to do my hair.
 Christmas night. Eric and I brought our new Kinect to my brothers house for a little DANCE PARTY. You have got to get one!  They are awesome!