...why can't I stop poking my boobs?

It’It's official, people. I’m going insane. I’ve literally spent the last 18 hours or so poking my boobs because they feel “sorta” sore. And I honestly think that from all the poking and prodding and pushing, I’ve made them actually pretty sore all by myself without the help of a hormone that tells me I’m pregnant.

Yes, it’s true. I’m in the last few days of my 2ww and I’m looking for every symptom out there. The thing is, these symptoms are a bunch of crap. Really. 

I really can’t count on any symptom ever. Because every time I think it may be an early pregnancy symptom, it’s more or less just Aunt Flo teasing me. I mean, really, couldn’t Mother Nature be a little bit more discerning when it comes to menstrual symptoms and pregnancy symptoms? Like, why do cramping and spotting and sore boobs ALL have mean you’re either getting you’re period or you’re pregnant? Why can’t it be just one or the other?

So here I am in that evil, 2WW. Seriously, can I catch a break here?

I’m trying desperately to remain positive I mean, how much better could you get? FIVE follies and 192 million sperm? If it doesn’t work this time, how in the world could it get any better?

I can't think about it any more....I am going back to poking myself.....hink about it. I’m going back to poking myself.

8dpiui

Okay...I know that earlier I said that I was feeling negative...but, today....I feel different. Today is nine days since the HCG trigger shot, and 8 days post IUI. The trigger shot can cause symptoms similar to pregnancy, but is typically out of your system in a weeks time....however, it can stay in your system for longer.  With that said, I am just today, starting to feel sore bbs.  They are getting shooting pains in them. I didn't feel anything from the trigger shot this month. So, I feel that because I am having this sensation it is a good thing, especially because it just started.

I will be taking a test at 12dpiui.....I just can't wait. I hate to get too excited because I have been let down so many times.

5 dpiui

Today I am 5 days post IUI.  That means that I get a blood test completed next Wednesday.  I am feeling so erratic with my emotions lately. I know that it is partially due to the hormones I have been on and the ones I am still having to take.  What I am feeling also is severe pessimism towards this IUI working. I just have this feeling that it won't work...maybe this is my way of protecting myself and not getting my hopes up.  I feel like I am just not meant to have another child...and it won't happen for me. I have tried for so many months and spent so much money that I just don't see this cycle actually working. 

Sorry for my pitty party.  I am in a real funk today.